22 Things I Learnt in my 22nd Year

So my 22nd year on this earth is officially over, and F me it has been a ride. There have been a million tears, a million swear words, I've said the word FUCKBOY more times than I can care to count, whilst also having a million laughs, a million memories and 22 lessons I've definitely learnt. So whilst I hope my 23rd year is better, I can't ignore (and not pay it forward) the things I've learnt this year...

Face masks are life 

Right, so, I kid you not this is one of the best lessons to come out of this year. Feeling sad? Face mask. Feeling ugly? Face mask. Bored? Face mask. Want to friend zone someone? Face mask. Want to feel better about eating a tub of ice cream and necking a bottle of wine alone? FACE MASK. 

Alone time is the best time 

Right, KBJ a year ago hated spending time on her own. I mean I really hated it and would dread a night in - but I’ve come to realise it’s the most important thing in the world. Having a night, or two, or three, just on your own to chill out, relax is the most incredible thing. 

Self love is the most important love 

For such a long time my life has been lacking this kind of love; I’ve loved others, I’ve loved things, but for a long time I’ve not loved myself. I’d never try to undermine a love you can give to someone else, but the love you give to yourself often impact and reflects upon the love you give out.

You can’t love someone if you don’t love you

You may meet someone you so desperately want to love - but simply cannot in a way that is healthy. I’ve tried so many times in the past to love someone else without loving myself, and it’s always ended in a love that was destructive and dangerous. 

Talk, and never stop talking 

Talk about what you believe in, talk about your feelings, talk about your life, your friends, your loves, your passions, your beliefs. Talk until you are blue in the face about everything you want to because my god there are many people in this world who want to listen, want to support you and get it and you’ll never know this until you just open your mouth 

It is SO okay to not be OKAY 

My god I wish I’d known this; it’s so okay to not be okay. Last year I went through monumental upheavals and it almost broke me, and from that I continued to pretend I was okay. It has only been in the last month I had actually realised I still wasn’t okay - that pretending, medicating with people and keeping busy didn’t constitute as being okay - and that is totally okay. 

It’s okay to miss someone 

I used to think that missing someone was a weakness, that it meant I wasn’t strong enough to not miss them - but it really doesn’t. I have days where I miss exes, old friends, family and it’s okay. I had a day the other day where I missed my ex from last year; for absolutely no reason. And it’s okay.

It’s also okay to not miss someone 

On the opposite side, you’ll have people you think you’ll miss and actually when push comes to shove, you don’t. And it’s weird because you’ve prepped yourself for missing this person but actually recognise that it’s better without them, that you miss elements but truthfully you don’t miss them and you should never feel bad about this. 

People come and go 

The relationships in your life will function like a revolving door; people will come, people will go, people will leave and come back, and sometimes it’ll hurt, sometimes it won’t, sometimes you’ll know it is for the best and others you’ll have no idea. 

Not every guy is fuckboy 

It took me until lately to figure this one out; but not every guy is a fuck boy. Firstly, I went on a few dates with someone who was categorically not a dick, and actually it was me who was the dick, and this BLEW MY MIND. I have channelled this narrative that all guys are dicks and honestly it’s just not true, and I know when I am eventually ready it is possible to meet someone who is actually a decent human.

Do not lower your expectations 

The above being said and relating to the same person, it’s also not a good idea to lower expectations. Mine are high; I expect the person I am with to be there for me at every blip, every low, every high and every hurdle - and if they’re not, then they’re not for me. And I am not changing that, or looking for someone who is anything but abiding to that. 

Fake tan makes you look thinner 

Honestly, I look about 8 pounds lighter when I’m 3 layers deep in tan. Life changer. 

It’s okay to not have your shit together 

I recently dated someone who was just 2 and a bit years older than me - and he really had his shit together. Sometimes it made me panic, because I knew I wouldn’t have my shit together that much in two years time and it scared me. But why? I found the whole thing inspiring, yet it still made me worry and question the longevity of things with him. But why do I care if I don't own a flat at 25? Why am I so worried if I don't hit a certain career milestone by 24? Why am I worried about where I'll be at 30?

Being an adult is bloody expensive 

This has really been the year I’ve realised how bloody expensive being an adult is. I mean you want to eat? You have to pay for it. Stressed and fancy a glass of wine? Goodbye £12. Want to breathe? London will invoice you. 

In the grand scheme of things, I am still a baby

I need to stop worrying about things - I am so young and I need to stop trying to achieve things at impossible rates. 

Stop faking it 

I was so guilty of faking it if I liked the person, but my 23rd year on this earth shall not include any of this. Life is too short for shit sex. 

Friendship isn’t always forever 

Sometimes friendship isn’t forever; I have friends I’ve had for years, 6 months, 3 weeks. And I’ve had many I’ve said goodbye to. There are some I miss, others I thought I would and ones I really just don’t. 

Going to therapy really doesn’t make you anything other than human

For months I’d convinced myself that going to therapy would be a massive warning sign I wasn’t okay when for months I’d convinced myself I was SO great, that if I treated people a certain way they’d be nice,  if I acted a certain way I’d avoid getting hurt, if I was always elated and smiling then I simply MUST be happy - right, right?  But actually I was miserable, I have been for a while and two weeks ago I took the step to go to therapy and sort my shit out. It doesn’t make me crazy, or weak, it makes me human.

White wine is never your friend 

White wine, as refreshingly delightful as it is, is the devils juice and should be avoided at all costs. 

Letting go of anger is the best thing you can do 

People will hurt you, they will let you down and make it so incredibly easy to be angry with them - but holding onto this will only ever hurt you. 

Fuck the diet culture 

I have been that girl who counts calories, kills myself on a treadmill to lose weight and been quite horrifically sized whilst constantly being starving - it isn’t and never will be fun. God if I’ve learnt anything about my body and it’s capabilities it’s that it can lose weight, put it on, lose it in record time and I shouldn’t ever sweat scoffing the last of the crisps or eating an entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s…which by the way I totally did whilst writing this.

Life is what you make of it 

Life really is down to you; it’s up to you what you do with it, whether you take action on things or ignore them. I have been in and out of states of misery, anxiety with periods of being down for the last three years and it’s taken me until two weeks ago to finally do something about it, and honestly I’m feeling more positive than ever because I have. 

Life is really down to you; it’s not luck, or fate, it’s about getting out as much as you put in. It’s about taking opportunities, learning from mistakes and building yourself based on that.