Have we fallen out of love?

The love affair began in the summer of 2015; it was the most overwhelming, exciting and fast-paced relationship I've ever had.

Every moment of the day I couldn't escape it, my mind and body were in it, and I was happy. It was an all consuming love affair that never offered an end, or I never thought of there being an end.

It was love at first sight.

And no, this isn't a relationship with another human.

This is my relationship with London.

I've had this blog for years, it's been London based for over two, and the reason I changed it was to talk about the love of my life.

But what happens when you fall out of love?

In the last few months, London has dealt me a shit hand and subsequently I've come to question our relationship.

Will it work long term? Will it get better? Am I putting in more than I get out? Can we survive this?

The questions one typically asks when on the brink of breaking up, the questions I've been pondering for over two months.

London was something I always talked about, probably from the age of 12, and in my first job my boss knew I wanted London more than the job so when presented with the chance to move I just did it.

Truthfully, I've never looked back, and I could never even dream of saying I regret that decision because it truly has been the making - and close to breaking - of me.

In the time I've been here, I've met the most incredible people. People who inspire me, people who have taught me, people who have cared for me, people I've loved and the people that remind me why I hate people sometimes. It's a mixed bag of the good, the bad and the ugly.  

I've seen some amazing things; a variety of sunrises and sunsets across London, talent from across the country being completely at home in this weird and wonderful city.

It's a place you can walk down the road in a matter of outfits, with the craziest hair or outfit, and Londoner's won't bat an eyelid. It's the place where people came together after attack after attack so show their defiance in the face of terrorism. It's the place where you can voice your opinion and be heard, a place where people talk politics openly without being overshadowed by their small-town view.

But truth be told - for a city which is so overpopulated - it’s the place which I’ve felt most lonely in my entire life. With all of these benefits, all of these amazing people - why do I feel so isolated?

Somewhere that I’ve felt I had no one to turn to, no one to speak to on many occasions all whilst being crammed onto a northern line like sardines.

It's hard when you love something so much - yet you're not sure if it's healthy, or right, for you anymore.

But in the spirit of the typical Londoner, I have stumbled across a lifeline. Something which could potential end a drought of let down friends, and no this isn't sponsored but the idea influenced this post.

Sebastian, the founder, moved to London with his partner a few years ago and found it hard to make friends. I can relate - making friends out of school is hard. It's not socially acceptable to randomly start chatting to someone in London like it was as a child in school. So they developed Pal App - an app where it's not dating, it's not sleazy but you can make friends.

Apps, or startups, or initiatives like this are one of the reasons I came to love London. People in London get it; you're a small fish in a pond, don't get me wrong, but people understand that sometimes living in London isn't like the films.

And whilst honestly I think part of me has fallen out of love with London - not enough to leave but enough to slightly alter our relationship, like when you forgive someone for doing you a wrong but can't forget it - it's not enough to ruin our relationship.

Don't let this ramble of emotions ever deter you from making the move - it has been the most insane few years of my life and I have had experiences that 5 years ago I only dreamed of and I wouldn't change it for the world.

But it's tough. Nothing worth doing, or having, is easy though - right?

All photos: Ollie Barker-Jones (https://www.instagram.com/olliebarkerj/ or https://500px.com/olliebarkerj)